What would happen if I lit this on fire?

Sometimes creativity can be an incredibly turbulent force.  For me, getting into a creative mindset can be volatile, and disruptive to my already preconceived expectations and standards.  I go through phases (like most), where I am churning out ideas, compositions and images at record pace, I may even actually like a few.  Then there are those lulls where I look at my current projects and feel pure hatred.

What I really want to do is find a match or lighter, take it out back and watch it burn. 

Most creative people are introspective and very attached to their craft.  I often find my identity within many of my pieces, which makes acquiring advice and criticism very uncomfortable.

I, however, am my biggest critic.  I am very harsh, judgmental and just mean.........to my own work.  I used to believe it was my method of perfecting my technique.  Now it has gotten out of hand.  Literally! Today, this demon of insecurity took the paintbrush out of my hand and it won. 

So, I decided that I am going to try something different for a change. 

1. Prioritize my day-"Plan your work and work you plan!"  Currently, I have been all over the place with my time management.  I understand some days will be crazy, because I do have 3 boys.  My littlest has decided to try climbing, so "that's (not really) fun!"  
   
2. My main focus is to incorporate time to pray/meditate and clear my mind.  I am completely overwhelmed with insecurity and fear.  I have tried to handle it on my own too long and of course it isn't working.  Biggest question:  Why do I paint? Who am I painting for? Believe it or not, I don't have the answers.
3. Be influenced by others-the only way I find myself starting to think more creatively and those juices start flowing, is when I allow myself to learn something new, read an article or just observe others' creations. 

I will share my progress throughout this blog, what I have learned and new advice I have been given.

I feel like I am starting a journey and instead of being skeptical of its outcomes I am excited to eventually look back and see the progress I will have made.  I want to be able to SHAPE my mind into accepting and loving all that I was created to become. I aim to let go of all the struggles and mistakes, and to get rid of all the lighters and matches.......just in case!  

Spiritually

Hatching

A

Purposeful 

Existence