This is a common dream of mine and it doesn't take rocket science or a fancy interpreter to know what my subconscious is communicating. I am in fear of something and my poor self esteem and confidence is holding me back.
There is a great quote by T.E. Lawrence that says; "All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible."
I want to be that "dangerous man" to make my dreams a reality. Instead, I bury everything, telling myself I am not good enough, strong enough or talented enough to become successful at the things I have secretly been wanting for so long.
Recently I finished two paintings and you can definitely see that I am craving the Spring season. However, one piece titled, "Balloons" has me thinking about my current dreams, because, I too am standing in this exact field. The clouds, the wind, and the balloons are all present, but I am not running. I get stuck, every time. I know there is something better, exciting, and purposeful if I would let myself go and explore, but I become paralyzed from fear.
Roosevelt was right, fear is the only concern of our lives. It can cause us to loose opportunities, become stagnant from extreme indecisiveness and procrastinate indefinitely rather than risk the possibility of failure.
My oldest son is a lot like me; perfectionist, analytical and cautious about almost everything he faces. These can be great attributes to certain areas of life, but like everything in moderation; personality traits can also hinder ones own growth and milestones. I would love to see him more of a free spirit, letting the wind sweep him up. His abilities were created and given to him for a purpose, not to be a hindrance.
A lot of people claim; Fear is not from God, but I disagree. It is what we do with the fear that is ungodly. Letting it debilitate us and immobilize our efforts to live as the beings He desired for us is not from God. Using the fear as a tool to grow closer to God, leaning on the Spirit and having faith; that is our gift. For, we can do all things through Christ who strengthen us. But, it doesn't mean that we aren't going to stink at it. It just means we will never be alone to experience the successes and failures.
A lot of people claim; Fear is not from God, but I disagree. It is what we do with the fear that is ungodly. Letting it debilitate us and immobilize our efforts to live as the beings He desired for us is not from God. Using the fear as a tool to grow closer to God, leaning on the Spirit and having faith; that is our gift. For, we can do all things through Christ who strengthen us. But, it doesn't mean that we aren't going to stink at it. It just means we will never be alone to experience the successes and failures.
The girl in the painting is me. I am running, playful and free. Throughout my creative process, I could feel myself letting go and willing to take the risks in whatever I have tugging at my heart. The balloons could represent a lot of things; my three children, my identities as a wife, mother and individual, or my past, present and future.
Either one, I realized it is time for us all to get up and run and to go toward whatever it is our heart craves. Stop dreaming during the night with our eyes closed but during the day with our eyes wide open and our faith in the One that placed them within our spirit.
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