What Dreams May Come

Have you ever had a dream that you are running from something?  Or, that you are trying to run from something that seems dangerous but you can't get your legs to work or even go at a desired speed?

This is a common dream of mine and it doesn't take rocket science or a fancy interpreter to know what my subconscious is communicating.  I am in fear of something and my poor self esteem and confidence is holding me back.   

There is a great quote by T.E. Lawrence that says; "All men dream, but not equally.  Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible."  

I want to be that "dangerous man" to make my dreams a reality.  Instead, I bury everything, telling myself I am not good enough, strong enough or talented enough to become successful at the things I have secretly been wanting for so long.  

Recently I finished two paintings and you can definitely see that I am craving the Spring season.  However, one piece titled, "Balloons" has me thinking about my current dreams, because, I too am standing in this exact field.  The clouds, the wind, and the balloons are all present, but I am not running.  I get stuck, every time.  I know there is something better, exciting, and purposeful if I would let myself go and explore, but I become paralyzed from fear.  

Roosevelt was right, fear is the only concern of our lives.  It can cause us to loose opportunities, become stagnant from extreme indecisiveness and procrastinate indefinitely rather than risk the possibility of failure. 

My oldest son is a lot like me; perfectionist, analytical and cautious about almost everything he faces.  These can be great attributes to certain areas of life, but like everything in moderation; personality traits can also hinder ones own growth and milestones.  I would love to see him more of a free spirit, letting the wind sweep him up.  His abilities were created and given to him for a purpose, not to be a hindrance.  

A lot of people claim; Fear is not from God, but I disagree.  It is what we do with the fear that is ungodly.  Letting it debilitate us and immobilize our efforts to live as the beings He desired for us is not from God.  Using the fear as a tool to grow closer to God, leaning on the Spirit and having faith; that is our gift.  For, we can do all things through Christ who strengthen us.  But, it doesn't mean that we aren't going to stink at it.  It just means we will never be alone to experience the successes and failures.

The girl in the painting is me.  I am running, playful and free.  Throughout my creative process, I could feel myself letting go and willing to take the risks in whatever I  have tugging at my heart.  The balloons could represent a lot of things; my three children, my identities as a wife, mother and individual, or my past, present and future.  

Either one, I realized it is time for us all to get up and run and to go toward whatever it is our heart craves.  Stop dreaming during the night with our eyes closed but during the day with our eyes wide open and our faith in the One that placed them within our spirit.  

 

"Balloons" available on Etsy

"Wildflowers" available on Etsy

Bring on the Sea

I am so excited that it is finally starting to warm up outside.  I am blogging this from my front porch while I watch to my two youngest children play.  The fresh air is theraputic and there's something about the sunshine which makes you feel so content.  

I wanted to share another piece that I have completed titled "The Shore." This was a difficult piece for me to complete.  It was not the technicality of it, but the distractions and life pressures that were pulling at me while I was painting.  

Everyone goes through their ups and downs in life, but lately mine feels like an extreme roller coaster.  I would like to say that my painting helps me to quiet all that noise from uncertainties and struggles, but not all the time.  It is crazy to look back at my art and see what I was able to accomplish throughout all the distractions.  I love my children, but being able to paint while they are awake is a challenge.  Someone is always hungry, thristy, has a "boo-boo" or just plain too loud!.  

Right now, painting is a labor, not a love.  I have realized this doesn't mean I am to stop, because I wouldn't stop with my marriage when things aren't so "lovey dovey," but I need to get back to why I paint.  I can't even answer that question right now.  I have such a long way to go within myself as an artist and my identity within the creative world.  

What I do know is with each painting and every brush stroke, I do learn something.  Whether that is; "Don't ever paint, before dinnertime!" Or, "That new technique I just used is definitely not for me." I find something to add to my foundation and develop myself as an artist.  

I hope you enjoy "The Shore"

progression

It has been a long time since I posted and want to committ to keeping this up to date more consistantly.  I wanted to share a piece that I am currently working on.  It has a little ways to go, but thought a sneak peek would be an even greater motivation for me to keep going and finish it.  I am missing the beach terribly and with all of the crazy winter weather across the country it is nice to dream about what is to come.  Stay tuned for the completed project.   It already is making me want to take a trip back to Charleston.